1. Oh, let’s start right in the feels by showing Jordyn openly crying 100 times.

2. Chicken bone leo.

3. How/when did this Phillip Phillip Phillip Phillips song “Home” become the U.S. anthem?

4. Aaaaand more shots of Jordyn crying.

5. Mama Wieber looks a million times more fashionable than Mama Strug did 16 years earlier.

6. Definitely just heard Steve Nunno scream.

7. Maybe it was Geddert.

8. DOUGIE DOUGIE DOUGIE

9. Well

10. Maroney just vaulted.

11. I suppose we can just end the meet now, no?

12. No sense in delaying the inevitable.

13. You shimmy, McKayla. You shimmy your heart out.

14. LOL, Trio. Keep trying to say Mustafina is intimidated by anything.

15. That said, please GOD, Aliya, don’t chuck the Amanar.

16. Phew. Lovely-ish double. Good choice, good choice.

17. “Look at her form.” Elfi, I’d rather not. Let me live a lie.

18. Yikes. It’s Bee Farm.

19. OH JESUS.

20. You’re definitely not supposed to step over that way.

21. Pretend the podium is lava. Do not step on the lava.

22. A GREEN ARROW, JUDGES?

23. I quit.

24. Saints alive, He Kexin is gorgeous.

25. “Any diva moments yet?” Eat a dick Al.

26. AWWWW BABY JORDYN.

27. And there’s Jordyn crying again.

28. I believe that’s the third time they’ve showed it in just two events?

29. Wait, how did Nastia get a part in this fluff?

30. OH LORD, SHE PAUSED ON THE LOW BAR.

31. Why can’t everybody be Jenny Zhang?

32. Mama Wieber needs a drink.

33. Mama Douglas is chillin.

34. The only thing I can hear is Maroney screaming.

35. And I love it.

36. I’d get a lot more done in my days if Maroney screamed at me all day long.

37. AS IF Lady D was gonna falter on UB.

38. Aly fluff.

39. …or montage of her parents?

40. Mama Wieber and Mama Douglas need to give their drinks to Mama Raisman.

41. It’s the song again.

42. OH GOD KYLA IS CRYING

43. CANNOT

44. THE FEELS

45. Short circuit.

46. Home run Dougie steps up to the plate.

47. Now I need a drink.

48. Not breathing for the next 90 seconds.

49. Bela lurking in the background…

50. PRAISE ALY ON THE BEAM SHE HAS PERFORMED A MIRACLE

51. I need a pep talk from Aly.

52. Oh, other countries are here too. I forgot.

53. Bela is also lurking for Aliya.

54. OMG ALIYA WHO CARES IT’S JUST BELA STAY ON THE BEAM

55. This girl will probably never ever become world champion on beam.

56. OH, SHE’S NOT SMILING, SHE’S SUCH AN EMO BROODING DIVA

57. Vika needs an Aly pep talk STAT.

58. Chow is begging Aly to help Dougie on floor. “I helped her on beam a little bit!”

59. Komova has the highest back tuck on beam that I’ve ever seen.

60. Sigh, Vika saw Bela too.

61. HOT LAVA PODIUM

62. Did Vika pound all of the Mamas’ drinks?

63. “She barely presented to the judges!” Super insightful, Elfi.

64. This is an awful lot of moaning for a FX.

65. Aliya. Your triple. No.

66. I understand the moaning now.

67. Mama Afan will give you smooches and make it all better.

68. Ahh yes. Imma sit back and enjoy me some Grishy.

69. No.

70. No.

71. Wait, what just happened?

72. This probably isn’t real life.

73. Aww, Komova quickly embraces Grishy. Feels.

74. I mean, uh, DIVAS! Commie diva bitches! Right, NBC?

75. Alexandrov is crying the hardest.

76. Whatever. Mama Afan is up!

77. No.

78. I just

79. No

80. Huh. I see other countries in the background? I thought it was just the Americans and Russians. Oh, and two Romanians and one Chinese.

81. Aly just landed on her skull during the one-touch. This bodes well.

82. time for Dougie to do a little planking to Papa Americano!

83. Do doo doooo

84. Mama Wieber is trying valiantly to start a GO JO chant.

85. BLAMMO JORDYN WITH A STUCK DOUBLE DOUBLE

86. GO JO

87. Geddert is doing the pee pee dance in the background.

88. Aly is already crying.

89. I am already crying.

90. MIHAI JENNY FIERCE FIVE HUG!

91. Jenny is making sure to touch everyone’s head.

92. I need Jenny in my life.

93. The six girls (JENNY <3) are watching the scoreboard, and Geddert jumps in because he thinks they’re posing for a picture. Because of course he does.

94. Steve Nunno 2012

95. PANDEMONIUM

96. HUGGING

97. CRYING

98. EMOTION

99. Crying the most, ironically, is Kyla the cyborg.

100. WHICH MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE

101. Um

102. Why is Shawn Johnson evilly plotting on my screen?

103. Not unlike Mr Burns?

104. And here come the real pictures…

105. BUT NOT BEFORE GEDDERT ROLLS UP

106. Center Stage = JONATHAN Q GEDDERT

107. And who should they happen upon…

108. IT’S MARTHA!

109. MARTHA JENNY FIERCE FIVE SANDWICH!

110. Nothing says WE’RE OLYMPIC CHAMPIONS like bright line green shoes.

111. GO JO is the only one singing along. You go Glen JoJo.

Article by Spanny Tampson

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