“My whole life is a 9.75.” -We gymnerds are good with our metaphors. My life, meanwhile, is best represented by this gif, though I’d hoped it would be best represented by this one by now #goals.

Comp news

The Winter “splatfest” Cup happened. Yul Moldauer edged out Sam Mikulak for the all-around title, and Sam took five event medals on day two. The U.S. men’s national team was named.

Plus: The shortest p-bars routine ever happened, and Allan Bower got food poisoning. Then they all went home and got commemorative tattoos.

Other comps. The Melbourne World Cup is coming up (here’s your preview). We also have your world cup rosters conveniently located in one place. Your Jesolo roster is here, and your Gymnix teams have been named, too.

NCAA corner

Week 7 happened. Georgia beat Kentucky by .075, Sarah Finnegan’s “perfect” 9.95 on vault helped LSU beat Utah (though you wouldn’t know it from this misleading graphic), Olivia Trautman scored a 10 in Oklahoma’s 198.075 quad win, Florida beat Alabama, and another floor 10 from Katelyn Ohashi plus a whopping 39.850 from Kyla Ross (who also scored a 10) helped UCLA reach 198 again.

Anything else? Why yes, yes there is. Anna Worhol was shot out of a cannon, clearing the vault entirely; tragically, Toni-Ann Williams appears to have re-injured her Achilles; and The New York Times profiled Miss Val. One more thing, though: Is this really supposed to be an incentive to do well in NCAA?

Other news

MSU apologized. Michigan State University interim president Satish Udpa issued an apology to survivors (now, was that so hard?) during his first board meeting on Friday, saying, “We let you down.” The board will also reopen the Healing Assistance Fund for survivors.

Canada coach found not guilty. Former Gymnastics Canada national team coach Dave Brubaker was found not guilty of sexual assault and sexual exploitation on Wednesday. Gym Canada says it will still conduct an internal investigation.

CPatt had a babay. Carly Patterson’s second babay is a girl. Congrats, CPatt!

Star status

Injuries. Something in Dominick Cunningham compelled him to show us his ankle, which is looking pretty gnarly; and Sanne Wevers sadly has hip and leg pain and will miss Euros.

Recoveries. Tabea Alt is recovering from surgery and hopes to make it to worlds this year.

Retirements. Fabiane Valentim of Brazil retired, as did Dan Purvis.

Who you should know. These new seniors, plus Sophia Butler, who made a splash at the Houston National Invitational.

Last words

I am officially on the job market and am not ashamed to tell everybody. Looking for a Boston-based gymnerd with back problems? Gimme a call.

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