73 Thoughts We All Had During 1996 Team Finals

magnificent-7

1. There’s something in the air on this warm Olympic night.

2. Do you feel it?

3. Little girls dancing.

4. OMG, THERE THEY ARE, THE MAG 7, SQUEEEEE

5. I love that leo. So patriotic.

6. These aren’t little girls. John Tesh. Almost half of them are 18.

7. Martha is the head coach, huh? I’m fairly certain we’ll never see her again after this meet.

8. Ugh, Steve Nunno screaming. And it’s for Jaycie, not even for Shannon. Calm down, man.

9. I enjoy how a bar routine can be good without all focus being on reaching a handstand.

10. SHANNON MILLER GOT CHALK IN HER EYE.

11. I wish the straddle pak was still a thing.

12. Why is Shannon up after Amy Chow? Politics, harumph.

13. Steve alert.

14. Elfi would pipe up with “ROZA GALIEVA, big fall!”

15. Well, of course there’s a discrepancy. She’s not Amy Chow.

16. HINDORFF, beautiful Hindorff.

17. Um, no Tesh, they do NOT call her “Awesome Dawson.” She’s not on the Creek.

18. Again, I enjoy the myriad of skills that are based off of NOT achieving a complete handstand, like the 1.5 piro that both Dawes and Khorkina perform with style.

19. Russia is not the Soviet Union, Tesh. C’mon, Teshie.

20. NBC loves injury porn. How many times must we see Amy’s Olympic Trials fall?

21. Oh, gym-acro, how I love you. Never leave us ever. Promise?

22. Fancy back walkover into a double stag. You go, Glen AmanBo.

23. Oh shiz, I always forget Jayce has that LOSO x3 on beam.

24. I love how the Romanian beam judge consistently gives the lowest score for each of the American girls.

25. How could they mess up such beautiful, patriotic music for Milo, huh? I think this is the exact music Grivich used four years prior?

26. Did the music just cut out, or…?

27. Shannon Miller would rather eat crap and die than let one of her filthy teammates hug her.

28. How did the Russians average a 9.6 on bars??

29. Oh, sad Miller fluff.

30. Why isn’t it “Just Shannon?”

31. Who says it’s not?

32. Backlit sheets. That’s fluff gold.

33. Awww, the Romanians laughing in a field. Bless bless.

34. Team Romania in their hot red pantsuits.

35. “In Simona Amanar, they see a gymnast of grace.”

36. I am always so fascinated by Alexandra Marinescu.

37. Why is her beam so so so much better than any other Romanian’s?

38. Why is her beam so so so much better than almost any other gymnast’s?

39. I love how Alexandra is compared to my favorite, Dominique Moceanu. I bet this is the best meet of both of their lives. They’ll probably tie for first in the all-around!

40. Lilia. Lilia, Lilia, Lilia. I am forever grateful that I was alive to experience far before the evils of the gymternet got to it.

41. Seriously, how could anyone say anything bad about THAT floor routine?

42. Moceanu’s floor routine really did bring down the house, huh? I remember that bit from the ’96 nationals.

43. Dominique Dawes’ bun is perfect. I would wear my hair like that TODAY, scrunchie and all.

44. Why is Shannon going after Dawes?? Shenanigans, STEVE.

45. Why was that God forsaken double layout even IN the routine?

46. No, Steve, her score was not the result of the judges trying to “break your roll.”

47. I don’t even know what that means.

48. Yeah, you fan yourself, Kerri.

49. Bela-Steve manhug!

50. Ah, the Phelps, before it got code-whored to death and hacked from the COP.

51. I don’t think histrionic means what John Tesh thinks it means.

52. Shannon always reminds me of a deer when she hops on her landings.

53. Graceful even in her mistakes.

54. NUNNO SCREAMING

55. Awesome Dawson on vault

56. NUNNO STOP THAT

57. Now he’s moved on to Moceanu

58. Why, Moceanu, why. My 14-year-old heart is breaking.

59. And now it’s time to start screaming for Kerri.

60. OMG KERRI WHAT THE FUDGE

61. Was that me screaming or was that Nunno?

62. KERRI STRUG IS HURT.

63. The Russians are wringing their hands in prayerful anticipation.

64. She will go when she is ready.

65. SCREAMING, SCREAMING, STEVE AND I ARE SCREAMING

66. PANDEMONIUM

67. Bela’s making sure Kerri’s a part of the show

68. And by “making sure Kerri’s a part of the show,” I mean making sure Bela’s a part of the show.

69. Aw, no pants. That’s never fun.

70. Oh man, what a crummy time for Mr. Moceanu to run out of film.

71. Feels. Feels feels feels.

72. WTF guys? Good old Shannon can at least be bothered to help her pal Kerri off of the podium.

73. WOW, THAT WAS GREAT! I’m so super sure they’re going to repeat as champs in 2000! How could they not!? And then in 2004. AND in 2008.

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Article by Spanny Tampson

3 thoughts on “73 Thoughts We All Had During 1996 Team Finals

  1. plz do this for all team finals evar. like could you start with the 2012 team finals? i know it wasnt that long ago but i still get FEELZ thinkin abt it.

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  2. Pingback: 255: 1996 Olympic Team Final (Commissioned) | GymCastic

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